Who's the Grownup Anyway?

I can be so selfish. That's no surprise, but sometimes it's more obvious than others.

By yesterday afternoon I was downright MEAN, using that angry, irritated (and loud) tone of voice--you know the one--and saying things to my children that they'd get in trouble for. Here's one gem I remember offering, while "helping" a child with school: "Don't you even THINK?!" Wonderful, supportive parenting, that.

This sounds like an issue with patience (and the lack thereof) or anger, but I think selfishness is at the root here. If things aren't going my way, or I'm behind schedule, or I'm getting interrupted or inconvenienced, I can start losing control of myself. I want life to go my way.

Being tired doesn't help my attempts at self-control, either, but lack of sleep can be caused by selfishness, too. I rarely have trouble sleeping (Just ask my kids about couch time!), so exhaustion is usually caused by staying up too late, almost always for no good reason. It's a bad habit that fosters other bad behaviors.

I'm not blaming yesterday on sleepiness. I think it was much more about not dealing with the imperfection of real life, of wanting everything and everyone to dance to my beat. It's not as if the kids were behaving outrageously and I finally snapped--more like I wanted everyone to fit in with my (probably not even realistic) plan for the moment, and then reacting like a spoiled brat when they didn't.

God has a lot of work left to do with me, if I'll let Him!

Does anyone have a good quote (from a saint or the Bible) to inspire me with? Something about selfishness or selflessness or struggling with charity, maybe. I'll bet St. Francis de Sales has a jewel or two...