Healing

I don't consider myself especially articulate, and this analogy will only stretch so far, but here goes.

Last June, an intensely windy thunderstorm swept through our area, causing huge amounts of damage in just a few minutes.  We lost power for more than three stifling days, and our beloved sour cherry tree suffered a split down its main trunk.

 This tree and its harvest are family touchstones--dear to me.

There was no way to bandage or hold the trunk together.  Taking the advice of a tree expert client, Len roped together branches from opposite sides of the split to minimize the strain.

We waited and hoped. 

This spring I was thrilled to see blossoms and leaves on both sides of our tree!

 The split is still there.

 We will never climb this tree again.

 But it is alive and beautiful

 And fruitful. 

We are again anticipating the harvest.

I have a wonderful life, but have been through trials, too.  I have needed (and in most cases received) healing.  Haven't we all?

I'm reflecting on the idea that healing isn't necessarily about complete wholeness.  Our cherry tree has a split that will be there for the rest of its life.  It's scabby and a little scary to look at.  The tree can't be climbed again--that would be too much strain for it.

But it is alive.  It is healthy.  It is fruitful.

Our lives can be like that.  We may not be the same after a trial, but we can still be fruitful.  We can be happy.  We can live lives of joy and beauty and peace.

God can bring good out of evil if we let him.  I'm not saying God sends all our trials (don't get me started!)--we live in a fallen world full of people who have free will.  Our cherry tree isn't fruitful because it has undergone a trial.  The healing is bringing the harvest.

Today's Motto

From today's morning prayer:

Teach us to be loving not only in great and exceptional moments,
but above all in the ordinary events of daily life.

 This year's Christmas puzzle

Feast of the Immaculate Conception

During yesterday's gospel, this song leaped into my head.  I became aware of this old carol just a few years ago, but it's now one of my favorite Advent hymns.



Updated to answer a private comment:  Yes, I know the Immaculate Conception refers to Mary's conception without original sin.  This song sounds like it's more about Jesus' conception/incarnation, but it follows the gospel reading for December 8th.  "The angel Gabriel was sent from God . . . "  Hailing Mary as "full of grace" and (in the song) "most highly favored lady" reminds me of her sinlessness.  Anyway, happy listening!

Second Week of Advent

"Prayer, mortification, and good example will always form the basis of the Christian apostolate . . . Apostolate springs from a great love for Christ."

Francis Fernandez, In Conversation with God

How is your Advent going?  We got off to a slow start, but it's not too late to make progress.

What She Said

I often wish I were better at praying--really listening and communicating with God.  Most of my "God time" is devoted to spiritual reading or the recitation of standard prayers.  Not that there's anything wrong with that . . .

Jennifer Fulwiler has posted a great analogy comparing prayer and greeting cards.  I found it comforting and inspirational.  You might like it, too.

Tangled

(image found here)

Did you ever notice that the 4th Joyful Mystery (the Presentation of Jesus in the Temple) takes place at the same time as the 1st of the Seven Sorrows of Mary (Simeon's Prophecy)?  Joy and wonder as Simeon recognizes the promised Messiah and blesses the family are intermingled with pain as he continues, "and a sword will pierce through your own soul also . . ."

This is parenthood, isn't it? 

I wouldn't trade it for the world, though.

No, I'm not feeling gloomy--just marveling at the complicated nature of my vocation.

In This Storm

My life has been challenging lately, with some distressing situations taking up mental, emotional, and spiritual energy.  As much as I enjoy my blog,  posts take some focus-time, and I have been too preoccupied to concentrate.

One issue recently resolved, at least enough to move on, leaving it on a back burner.  Another is still up and down; I don't know when peace will come.

A few songs bring me comfort, including this one by Casting Crowns.  An excerpt:

I was sure by now
God, you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say, "Amen," and it's still raining
And as the thunder rolls
I barely hear your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
. . .
Every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side

Listen to it all:

Better Than the Alternative

For a few years now I've been flipping out about my approaching 50th birthday.

Thirty felt young--for goodness sake, my first baby was barely a year old then. 

And 40 was no big deal.  Heck, I had a baby at 43!

But this half-century mark has been looming like a dark cloud on my horizon:

• For the first time ever, I was embarrassed to state my age.
• I dreaded becoming lonely and frail (despite the fact that the older generation of my family is busy and cheerful).
• I worried about becoming insignificant/obsolete, having my children outgrow me.  They are a huge part of my life.  Would I stop mattering as they naturally and rightly mature and move on?

Fifty didn't equal elderly to me, but it felt like the beginning of the end.

 

It may sound silly to you, but my angst and sense of foreboding were growing steadily.  Once in a while I'd joke that growing old "beats the alternative," but that wasn't enough to actually turn my attitude around.

So what changed?

I had been reflecting on discerning and following God's will, and on those who abandon themselves to Him.  Blogposts and In Conversation With God nudged my mind.

For ages I've believed myself committed to doing God's will if only I know what it is.  But how do I know? 

Of course there's plenty of guidance out there, most of which I'm too lazy to seek out and read.  But one day a thought passed through the noise and struck my consciousness:  until further notice, I can assume that God's will for me includes growing old (or at least older).

Go ahead--laugh.  I think I did, too!  ;-) 

Yet that simple idea has turned my attitude around.  God wants me to live, and live for Him.

 

If any of my fears become reality, so be it.  I can cope and offer up any hardship.

 

Growing old, like growing up, is meant to be.  Happy birthday to me!

 

 

Photos taken by Lauren during our June vacation in the Smoky Mountains.

Keeping the Commandments: It's the Love That Matters

From today's gospel:

Jesus said to his disciples, "If you love me, you will keep my commandments."  John 14:15

And excerpts from today's meditation in Magnificat:

It is not the magnitude, or otherwise, of the work we have to do that should concern us, but the magnitude of the love with which we do it.  It is a terrible mistake to suppose that if we simply carry out the commandments externally we have nothing to worry about. 


That can be no more than lip-service; it can be simply self-culture, the service of the self; and it can be form of self-complacency . . .  Of course we have to try to keep the commandments; but the essential is to try to keep them in such a way that we learn to see more and more clearly our true Center, to keep our eyes more and more on God and less and less on ourselves, to say "I live, now not I, but Christ lives in me." 


There are, in fact, two opposite heresies here which we have to avoid:  the one says, If I do right it doesn't matter what I am; the other says, If I am right it doesn't matter what I do.  We have to try to live in God, to be right; but we learn to be right only through slowly and painfully trying to do right; and on the other hand if we were really living in God then inevitably we should, as a matter of fact, do right, for we should hunger and thirst after righteousness. 

Father Gerald Vann, O.P.

'Tis the Season

The Easter season, that is . . .

When Lent begins, we decorate and then hide "Alleluias."  They're retreived later, as we pull down purple ribbons and our "Repent" letters.

The golden blocks rest above the study doors, but sometimes they seem too high to be noticed throughout the day.

Last week we were inspired to tape our small cards all over the house.  They're impossible to miss now! 

We see them on doors . . .

In the kitchen . . .

(Keeping it real--the microwave would look cleaner photographed  in shadow!)

Can't miss Alleluia on a bathroom mirror . . .

It may seem silly, but running into this joyful word over and over again does change the script in my head.  I'll catch myself singing (to myself or aloud) a favorite chorus from Mass.  We might sing it again before grace or a regular devotion.

There are so many because some of these cards are from previous years.  I appreciate the varying styles and skills, but constant enthusiasm.

Happy Easter!

One Better

Angie at (in)courage has written an inspiring essay about challenging ourselves to grow:

" . . . in my head I heard the words, “You can do one better.”

. . .

I’m not saying it’s easy, but these two words have helped me make some really good and life-giving choices over the past several weeks…

One better."

Read the whole thing here.  Thanks to Elizabeth for linking to this.

Sometimes They Lead Me

Part of my parental vocation entails spiritual teaching, modeling, and training.  In the process of fulfilling this duty I've learned more and grown in my faith.

Parenting has also led me to pray (help!) and to begin to develop important virtues (patience, charity, etc.).

And sometimes my children just out-and-out pull me up the ladder towards God.  Last week I went to 6:15 mass, not because my boys were serving, but because one just wanted to go.  Another child came along because she's set herself a goal to attend a certain number of masses this year.

I appreciate the inspiration--thanks, guys!

Prayer

Catchy title?  Not so much.  Oh, well.

Last weekend, when I realized our 25th wedding anniversary was nine days away, "Novena!" jumped into my mind.

I searched online for a novena of gratitude, but found nothing.  I thought about praying (in thanksgiving) to the patron saint of happy marrianges.  I found St. Valentine, but no novena, and he is so romanticized that he probably wouldn't have been my top choice anyway.  Len looked over my shoulder at the list and suggested a novena to the Holy Family.  Great idea!  I added a beginning line of thanks for our sacramental marriage.

All the novenas I've seen include a petition.  My inspiration was purely gratitude, but rather than rework the given prayer, Len and I have been praying for our children (6) and godchildren (11!).  They are on my mind and heart daily, anyway.

We've almost finished (Tuesday is our big day!), but I must tell you about something beautiful.  We almost bailed on this novena on the 2nd day.  I came to bed much later than my sensible husband and felt rude demanding he turn the light back on to read and pray with me.  I knew I would be disappointed, though, and so (not very graciously, I must admit) insisted we stick with it.

A day later I received a call from someone dear requesting prayers for one of our godchildren, especially over this weekend and Monday (the final days of our novena)!  I'm so grateful we didn't quit!  Not only are we praying for this child on the specially requested days, but also for the week leading up to them.

I often don't follow through with multiple days of prayer (novenas, O Antipons, Jesus tree, etc.), so this episode is one I'll remember to encourage me to "stick with it" in the future.

What Are You Doing for Lent?

Lent is starting so late this year (next Wednesday, March 9) that I haven't spent much time thinking about what I'm going to offer (or offer up) in an attempt to grow spiritually.

A few ideas are percolating (limiting blog reading, fasting--but not enough to make me nuts, spending time In Conversation With God ); I may or may not let you know what I decide.  My goal for today was to get you thinking about Lent if you have procrastinated, too.

Works of Mercy

Allow me to ramble a bit . . .

From the Baltimore Catechism:  "The spiritual and corporal works of mercy are acts of love which we show to Christ in the members of His Mystical Body.  Whatever we do for a member of the Body of Christ, we do for Christ."

The corporal works of mercy are "acts of love which come from the heart to help our neighbor in his bodily needs."

1. Feed the hungry.
2. Give drink to the thirsty.
3. Clothe the naked.
4. Visit the imprisoned.
5. Shelter the homeless.
6. Visit the sick.
7. Bury the dead.

The spiritual works of mercy are "acts of love toward our neighbor to help him in the needs of his soul."

1. Admonish the sinner.
2. Instruct the ignorant.
3. Counsel the doubtful.
4. Comfort the sorrowful.
5. Bear wrongs patiently.
6. Forgive all injuries.
7. Pray for the living and the dead.

I've always been more Martha than Mary, so I'm naturally drawn to corporal mercies.  That sort of hands-on, hospitality driven work isn't always easy, but it suits me.

I've been thinking about this subject lately because a friend of mine recently set an inspiring example.  She drove to another state to care for another friend undergoing her first round of chemotherapy.  M spent days away from home ministering to a family in need.  (BTW, this amazing woman and her family were one of the first reasons I considered homeschooling; just watching their lives made me want to try to be like them!)

I still remember a talk Elizabeth gave many years ago, during which she pointed out how parenting babies and toddlers requires many corporal works of mercy, while teens need us spiritually.  Maybe that's why I believe I'm a better parent of little ones.  Cleaning and feeding can be exhausting, but is relatively simple.
 
To admonish the sinner and instruct the ignorant, in love, takes patience, strength, and grace.  If I am to counsel the doubtful, I'd better know my faith and be steeped in it on a personal level.  Raising teens has also proven that I need a thicker skin, the better to bear wrongs patiently and forgive all injuries.  Not that they're so mean, but that I must not take offense so easily.

Anyway--these random thoughts that have been on my mind lately--thanks for reading along!

What Are You Hungry For?

Our team (from Teams of Our Lady) is currently reading and discussing Fulton J. Sheen's slim book The Seven Capital Sins.  So far, the chapter on gluttony has been the most attention-grabbing for me.

The archbishop composed this as a series of addresses in 1939, but you'd swear it was actually last week.  For example:

"If there is any indication of the present degeneration of society better than another it is the excess of luxury in the modern world.  When men begin to forget their souls, they begin to take great care of their bodies.  There are more athletic clubs in the modern world than there are spiritual retreat houses; and who shall count the millions spent in beauty shops to glorify faces that will one day be the prey of worms.  It is not particularly difficult to find thousands who will spend two or three hours a day in exercising, but if you ask them to bend their knees to God in five minutes of prayer they protest that it is too long."

He points out that the difference between dieting and fasting is intention:  Christians fast "for the sake of the soul" rather than the body (looking good).  "The Christian does not fast because he believes the body is wicked, but in order to make it pliable in the hands of the soul."  And again, "We are to mortify bodily hunger and thirst not because the flesh is wicked, but because the soul must ever exercise mastery over it, lest it become a tyrant."

Archbishop Sheen asserts that we are called "to cultivate a spiritual hunger and thirst.  Mortification of the bodily appetites is only a means, not an end.  The end is union with God, the soul's desire."

"Tell me your hungers and your thirsts and I will tell you what you are."

"The great pity is that so many have been so concerned with the body that they neglect the soul, and in neglecting the soul they lose the appetite for the spiritual."

After reminding us that God Himself is waiting for us in the tabernacle and in Holy Communion (every day!), the archbishop wonders why more of us don't avail ourselves of this opportunity:  ". . . what does it winess to but the deadening of our spiritual sense?  Our body would miss a dessert more than our soul would miss a Communion."  Ouch!

This isn't meant as a finger-wagging to make you feel bad.  Maybe it's a wakeup call.  Since our team reviewed this chapter, I haven't been better about getting to Mass myself.  I have, though, set aside more time for prayer and made a few quick visits to the chapel.  I'm trying to pay more attention to body AND soul and how they interact.

What are YOU hungry for?

More on Suffering

It seems Elizabeth has been thinking about suffering, too.  As usual, she is the eloquent one.

I started cutting and pasting quotes, but was coming close to reprinting her whole article.  Go read it.  You'll be blessed.

Words of Hope 2

God can make good come from anything.  While God can send us suffering, most of the trials we undergo come courtesy of the free will exercised by our fellow souls.  What we do with that brokenness is up to us.  Seeking and living God's will in the pain is one way to help Him bring good from it.

Excerpts from Magnificat's Wednesday meditation:

"The truth of God's love was shown on the cross of his beloved son, Jesus.

And the way to grow in our relationship with God in times of physical or mental stress is to strengthen ourselves by doing the things that God desires.

It is a sign of great holiness when one is resigned in everything to the will of God.  Everything that God wills is for our good.

He knows how to console us when we least expect it.

If anyone hurts you, look on him as someone of great value and, with the eyes of one who loves . . .

Even when things are at their worst, keep your peace of heart and accept whatever God sends you as being for your good.

God is your guide, your father, your teacher, your husband.

In everything that happens the best thing you can do is abandon yourself to his will."

Saint Paul of the Cross

Feast of the Guardian Angels

When I get to Heaven (let's hope!), one thing I'm looking forward to (besides Beauty) is knowledge and understanding. I'm hoping God will show me why some events happened in my life and in the world. I also want to see the unknown part others played--human, angelic, and God himself.

What does this have to do with our guardian angels? We're told they are looking out for our physical and spiritual well-being, helping to protect and influence us. This reminds me of a passage in C. S. Lewis' The Screwtape Letters, when a demon's "patient" has died and begins to truly see. Here is how the devil Screwtape describes it to his nephew, Wormwood:

     How well I know what happened at the instant when they snatched him from you! There was a sudden clearing of his eyes (was there not?) as he saw you for the first time, and recognised the part you had had in him and knew that you had it no longer . . .


     As he saw you, he also saw Them. I know how it was. You reeled back dizzy and blinded, more hurt by them than he had ever been by bombs. The degradation of it!--that this thing of earth and slime could stand upright and converse with spirits before whom you, a spirit, could only cower. Perhaps you had hoped that the awe and strangeness of it would dash his joy. But that is the cursed thing; the [angels] are strange to mortal eyes, and yet they are not strange. He had no faintest conception till that very hour of how they would look, and even doubted their existence. But when he saw them he knew that he had always known them and realised what part each one of them had played at many an hour in his life when he had supposed himself alone, so that now he could say to them, one by one, not, "Who are you?" but, "So it was you all the time."

Wow! What an image!

**************************************************

As far as physical protection goes, now and then I read a miraculous story--you know the type--someone feels an invisible push as disaster whizzes by. It's not that I don't believe, but I'll bet our angels are involved more subtly and frequently than we can guess.

For example, when David was a young non-swimmer, our family hiked with my cousin and her husband to a remote creek and waterhole in Tennessee. As toddler Daniel and baby Joseph occupied my attention on shore, David slipped off a sloping rock and into water over his head.

I didn't actually see it happen; I looked up to see David's hands above the water! He was about 10 feet from the edge, 20-30 feet from me. I laid the baby on the pebbles, hustled into the swimming hole, and hauled/pushed David back onto the rock and the beach. He choked up some water, ate some Cheese Nips, and appeared no worse for the wear.

What got me (once the adrenalin wore off) was just how close a call we'd had. A few minutes before, there had been four or five adults around the hole. When I looked up, they were gone. Only my cousin and Lauren were left, sitting in a (noisy) little waterfall, with their backs to me. No one could hear me. No one (including me) had seen David slip. If I hadn't looked up when I did, I might not have known he was in the water at all.

I'm convinced a guardian angel (David's or mine) tapped me on the shoulder and got me to look up from the diaper I was changing. I don't KNOW it, but I can't wait to find out some day and have the chance to offer another grateful, "Thank you!"