An Encouraging Word

I have to do something for four hours today that I really don't want to do. There are many productive or relaxing things I could spend that time on.

Yesterday morning as I walked Dusty, the hard-core complaining began. Why me? Can't/won't someone else do it? But I DON'T WANT TO! (What a baby, I know...) I offered a rosary for my attitude. I asked Mary to help me follow her example, but I was still grumpy with all signs that this situation was going to be allowed to ruin my whole weekend.

Then I went to my #1 sounding board. I needed to say my ugly thoughts aloud and complain to someone who wouldn't think less of me because of them. Len did listen and told me mostly what I'd already told myself: I needed to do this; I could offer it as a prayer; etc. He had several true, rational things to say, which didn't help my attitude, but I hadn't expected more than empathy anyway.

But wait--he had even more to offer! Yes, the encouraging word. Something like, "When you persevere graciously, I see how good it is for the whole family." And, "If one of the kids broke an arm right now, you'd drop everything and go to the hospital and deal with it and not be upset about wasted time."

This might sound funny, but it was a big help. First of all, he made it sound like there are times when I actually do graciously persevere. So he offered hope. (It's so easy to lose sight of the good times when I'm in a funk.) And the bit about the broken arm might sound overblown to you, but it did make me realize that I can prioritize and be less possessive of my time, more giving. I knew it was true, and that makes it easier to see that I can make someone else a priority in smaller things, too. Like the other night when Becca was feverish and upset and I got up from dinner to change and settle her in bed. I wasn't mad or resentful--I did what needed doing, and was glad to help my girl. So it is possible for me to spend my time today with a good attitude. Maybe no one will even realize I'd rather not be there. That would actually make it a better gift to "offer up"--cheerfullness instead of resentment.

I'm no goody-goody. My talk with Len was the beginning of an attitude adjustment. But I'm so grateful that in addition to listening, he was able to offer encouragement, and make me believe that I can (because I have before, so there!) do this thing with grace. Prayer is helpful, but so is a friend who understands me.

Morning Magic

It started like an ordinary day: get out of bed, make sure the teens are up, walk the dog.

Then came the call from Len (Yes, I always bring my phone along.): Becca had awakened, VERY upset (like, screaming) that I was not home, because I was supposed to be taking her to the pool. Right now (6:45 a.m.). Okay, then...

As I hurried home, I racked my brain for a way to cheer up my deluded child. Hot chocolate? No, I don't want to use food for solace. Go to the pool? Don't think so! Then it came to me. I unleashed the dog and put some water in the microwave.

By the time I got upstairs, she was quiet but still upset. I suggested we go have some "real tea" at the little table in her kitchen. She said no several times, but consented after I told her it was for me, too, and asked, "please."

The teens were gone and Daddy was still upstairs, so we had the main level all to ourselves. I gave her plates and spoons and we started setting the table. She opened the tea bags. The best moment was when I got down the real creamer and sugar bowl. She breathed, "Oh..." with satisfaction. We sat down to tea and Waverly "candy" and had a lovely time. Marianna found and joined us. It was a peaceful conclusion to a crazy scary waking up.

Field Trip!

We've been doing "school lite" for a few days, just trying to catch up on things left undone before the Christmas break.

Today the homeschoolers and I drove in to DC to see two temporary exhibits at the National Gallery of Art. Yesterday, to get ready, I reviewed the styles and works of JMW Turner and Edward Hopper with the children. I have found that advance preparation always makes an art visit better: there is less need to read and explain on site, and there are usually some, "Oh! I remember this!" moments.

We arrived at 10:15, which meant 2 hour parking at a meter instead of unlimited time in front of the museum (those spaces are snatched up at 10:00). The parking enforced a speedy visit.

First we saw Turner's work. He started out as an English landscape painter in watercolor and oil. As time went on, he became more interested in light itself than in objects. As usual, Mom spent too much time reading the captions and staring, so we had just 30-40 minutes left for the Edward Hopper exhibit. He was an American realist painter who liked to paint light on buildings. He made cities, structures, and ordinary things special. You've probably seen Nighthawks or one of his lighthouse paintings.

It was good to spend time with my "young four" doing something enriching and fun, especially because I am usually too chicken to drive into the big city without a convoy or another grownup. After today (and two trips in November), I'm hoping to enjoy the awesome resources of DC more often.

Helpful Hint for a Happy Home

Actually, it's a hint for marriages, but I couldn't pass up all that alliteration. ;-)

My husband and I are well matched and love each other deeply, but once in a great while we have a big disagreement. Or a misunderstanding. Or one of hurts the other's feelings. One or both of us can be too angry or sad or confused to talk about and resolve the issue. That's when our secret weapon is unleashed: letters!

We've only needed letters a few times in 21 years, but they can be a big help. I can write down why I'm mad or sad or confused. I can write without attacking him. I can organize my thoughts and articulate what I see as the issue--sometimes I even understand my point of view better after thinking it through. I have a chance to explain myself. This process is especially helpful for me because I don't think well "on my feet". During an intense discussion I'm likely to get off track or forget a point or miss something important he's trying to say.

The recipient of letter #1 then has time to respond thoughtfully. Meanwhile we can function on a superficial level and remain cordial. The intensity is under the surface, which I think is good. We pray for each other and our relationship. Letters go back and forth as needed, until we're ready to talk in real time.

As I said, we've only used letters a few times. And those times are not fun to go through. If we must write rather than speak, something very upsetting is going on in our relationship. But I think we've resolved issues better and more quickly by taking some of the passion out of the discussion.

So there's my advice; take it or leave it. :-) I'm praying for all our marriages tonight. God bless you.

Feast of the Holy Family

Today is the Feast of the Holy Family. Father gave a wonderful sermon reminding us all (husbands, wives, parents, and children) of the parts we have to play in fostering love in family life. And he reminded us that God in the Trinity is a family, with the Holy Spirit being the love between the Father and the Son.

But enough of my sermonizing! The most moving part of the day was the reading from Saint Paul's letter to the Colossians. I've heard it before, but it is so perfect for today. It's a wonderful, powerful call to family love. I think the homeschoolers and I will memorize this passage when we begin our studies again. I know it's a message I need to be reminded of over and over again:

"Brothers and sisters: Put on, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do. And over all these put on love, that is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of Christ control your hearts, the peace into which you were also called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, as in all wisdom you teach and admonish one another, singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:12-17

Amen!

The Christmas Kitchen

Last year, at my urging, Len built Becca a stove and fridge out of cardboard. She had so much fun with these simple toys! This year after much waffling, I asked Grammy and Grandpop to help us buy her this wooden kitchen. I was probably more excited than anyone at the unveiling. :-)

Becca has already spent countless hours playing in her kitchen. It's in my kitchen, which I love, because I get to watch and listen as she mothers her babies, cooks for friends, or plays house with Marianna. We already had lots of play food, and Mimi and Granddad bought her some new pots and pans. There are hooks for the potholder, towel, and homemade apron (used to be Lauren's--sniff). What a great gift for our little girl.

Finally!

The first recipe is up at my cooking blog. It's for a dessert. Surprise? I think not. ;-)

God's Providence

Len and I have had many discussions about God and His providence/involvement in daily life. Of course each of us (even the whole universe) would cease to exist if he stopped willing it, but how much does He interfere/decide what will happen to us? Why do bad things happen? If He has a plan for us, where does free will (ours and everyone else's) come in?

I think God does have a plan, a way He wants us to go. We need to discern His will and do our best to follow it. And bad things happen because the world is Fallen (so sickness, pain, etc.), and we sinful people have the free will to mess things up and hurt each other.

BUT, I believe God can make good things come out of any situation. And I believe He does know what is best for us, even if we sometimes disagree. We can't see where all the consequences, circumstances, and choices will lead.

For example, today I was racing around the mall looking for the teen who was late and had not turned on his phone (grr!). As I sped through the food court, I saw a little boy, maybe 2 years old, happily walking along. I saw no adult near him. I got down on his level and asked where his mommy was. No answer. He remained cheerful until I picked him up, and then the wailing started! He wanted nothing to do with this unfamiliar lady, but I thought, "Too bad. I know what's good for you, and walking around through this crowded place alone is NOT what's good for you." The crying was even potentially useful. I held him high and wandered around waiting for someone to claim my noisy bundle. We got plenty of attention, but no takers. I found a security guard who realized that since little guy wore no shoes, he must have come from the (not so nearby) play area. On our way over there (I kept carrying him since he screamed even more when the guard tried to pick him up.), we met his mom.

My point is this: as I think about this incident now, I remember that experienced-parent feeling I had when I picked up that child against his will to make sure the best thing could happen. While God (yes, a very experienced father!) allows us lots of lee-way (i.e. free will), I believe He can and does intervene in our lives, making miracles big and small happen. I don't know how often He's directing the minutae, and while He answers prayers, it's not alway in the way we want Him to.

Someone once told a true story about getting a flat tire on the way to daily mass and having to stay home. As things turned out, a long unseen friend came to the door and ended up having lunch with the family. They would have missed each other without that flat tire. Did God cause the flat tire? He could have. Did God make something good (the friend) come out of a (nothing special) flat tire? He could have. I don't know, and to a certain extent I don't care. I just need to try to trust that God loves me and wills the best for me.

"We know that in everything God works for good with those who love him, who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Jesse Tree update

Our Jesse Tree has enhanced our Advent prayer time. Sometimes we just read the verses for the daily symbol, but other times, a lively discussion ensues related to some aspect of Salvation History. Here's a picture of our "tree" on the prayer table in the corner of the family room.

And here's a close up of a few ornaments. The children did a great job of decorating them. It's hard for my picture to show how nice they are--I couldn't get more than a few in focus at a time.

Hope for the Future

I know all siblings fight, but it can be so discouraging! Every now and then there is a particular pair of "oil and water" siblings. Not only do they bicker, they also criticize, tease, hit, argue, tattle, push, watch for "unfair" treatment, push each others' buttons, etc. Sometimes it brings me to great anger or tears (or both!). We've got one of these special sets in the house right now.

My wonderful husband encourages me that this sort of thing is normal and will fade. And I do try to coach charity, but it can seem to be a never-ending, losing battle.

Well, this weekend I saw some hope for the future--a previous "oil and water" pair who get along fine now. One asked the other for help, and it was given. There was no complaining or criticizing, and no hearts and flowers either--just ordinary, matter-of-fact cooperation.

Now that I think about it, I noticed this on Sunday, the Joyful Sunday of Advent (pink candle). Christ is getting closer, the light is getting brighter, and our hope and joy are growing as well.

Our Jesse Tree

We are finally using a Jesse Tree this Advent! This is a tree or bare branches from which are hung ornaments that symbolize people (Abraham, Moses, David) and events (the Fall, the Flood) in Salvation History. We read and discuss the scripture for each symbol during our preparation for the Savior's birth.

I enlarged some ornament pictures from a book given to me many years ago, and traced them onto shrinky-dink paper. This is then colored (we use colored pencils) and baked in the oven where it shrinks to 1/3 its original size and gets 9 times thicker. The hole that was punched before baking is threaded for hanging.

We've only hung a few ornaments so far, but this is going to be a great meditation for Advent. I'm tracing and cutting, while the homeschoolers are coloring. They gathered some bare branches on a windy day, which we arranged in a vase adorned with purple ribbon. Lauren is going to take a picture so I can show it soon.

Have a blessed Advent!

To Blog or Not to Blog?

(originally posted 12/5 on "Come to the Table")

For months and months I wanted to have some blogs. I wanted a chance to reflect on my daily life (instead of just reacting to it), and to save (and savor) some memories. I wanted to share recipes and photos.

I finally started blogging, and it really is enjoyable. But life seems to be getting away from me lately. There's the 11 p.m. grocery run, the "Why am I here in the pantry?" moment, the unlaundered school uniform, and the unorganized homeschooling. Oh yes, we're eating every day and wearing mostly clean clothes, but it seems like we're not often getting beyond those basics.

I hope to have the chance to blog some more, but right now it's hard to organize a coherent thought AND get a turn on the computer (the stars must be aligned just right...), so we'll see what happens.